Feb1

I do have to say that today was a day that is the same as every other Saturday in my life, get up go to mom and dads laugh wih levxy then onto the joys of Alzheimer's . I will never understand for whatever reason why god gives us challenges in life to see how strong we are because if this is strong I would be Arnold .  Stepping inside the kitchen from the shop is a different world all in its self, we have on one end the real world and the other my mom and dad's world. Dad being the strongest man I have ever know to this man whom has become angry with whatever he needs too. This I would say , he's a  Larsen.  Love him but such a Pain in my butt when the world or propane company doesn't go his way. Lol   Taking  mom on a ride to latienda the ritewoods was a good call this morning due to the fact it just need to happen for the fact it helps levxy and my dad.

Jessie has finally gotten her braces on this Friday and pretty sore as of Saturday so for now the night will be long.

The life of change

I first would like to start off by saying, from the start if this blog I had know clue what this blogging was about so my first few posts are probably about hurting anger and frustration from kids. I'm taking this on in a total different way and wanting to share my life experience for the kids to see.  My parents are wonderful in every way and very, very honored to have them both.  My mom has Alzheimer's and has has it for quite sometime, dealing with this day in and day out is a frustration beyond description. Life according to sam has nothing on the life according to Gloria (mom).

Starting over

It's a new day with a new life!!!

Learning my lesson

Why is it that my words can be short but no sweet about them. Trying to tell people what I think and saying them in words that they might understand are so not me. Talking to my kids feels like heartburn. Very proud that Miss Shelby has a job and willing to put fourth the energy to make it happy. Makes me proud in so many ways.

Can I remember how to do this?

I'm hoping that I can remember to do this and look back and read it. Life has changed so much since two years have past married to a wonderful man and couldn't ask for a better person to be with. I'm starting this whole thing over now. This is my journal for me And my kids to look back on and remember me. Day 1 since the last time that I have sat down to write so much has changed. I'm 41 married for the third time to a wonderful man that I went to school with. Life has changed as I have known it. Let me start off with my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about five years ago and my dad is In his eighths and just not that the same as he was. So the taking care of them has taken a lot of priority to what is normal. I thought moving home would be the right thing but I never would have guessed that being the mom to my mom is what I would have been doing. She sometimes has days where she seems pretty normal and then days where she is totally off. My dad looks so tired all the time due to the fact that he takes care of her 24/7. I'm a very proud grandma of a handsome little 2 year old boy. I feel like I make a better grandma then I do a mother, only for the fact of the out come of my two older kids at this time. They are trying to figure out their spot in this world. I'm a very proud mom with them and know deep down they will do the best that they can. I know that I can't catch up with the this first blogg of a new beginning but will keep up as I go!!!

Fact or Fiction

Wow! I'm at a lose for words today. Dating is something that is a game that I'm finding out. You either love it or you hate it. Hate the game not the player.. This is true:) Finding out that relationships are worth fighting for because on the flip side single you have to mingle and truly I mingle all day that I just want one person to come home to and listen and wrap there arms around me and not have to see who's going to text or who is going to call. Like having the time alone but it gets pretty lonely when your in your time of need . I want to believe that there is one person out there for me but the circle is getting smaller. You have to weed out the ones that are not your type after a couple of weeks of texting and a few dates with them then you think ya this is not the one. Why is it the one that you love never loves you back and why is it that love is only a word anymore?????????

Ya thats what I thought

I truly thought that people could be friends until there not. When shit gets said and your friend is there but doesn't back you up what is that call?? No friend at all. Over the last month my life has done a full circle as far as how trusting people there is now way in hell it will happen again. I thought I knew who they all were guess I was mistaken...... Won't happen again. My dating life is not going to happen no man can be trusted at all.

Ya, that's what I said!!!

So my lastnight was hell. Got to sleep a 3 then up at 6. My ass was kicked before the day even started. My friend brought me back to life and the day seemed so much better. I had a lunch date with someone that I had been set up with through my boss and pretty damn nervous for it but went with a good attitude and had a great time. Laughing and talking and thinking wow is this what a true date is never really been on any without falling head over heals. Turned out that laughing and talking for that hour was nice and relaxing. I came to the conclusion that there is only one person that should make me feel like hell and that's me. My mouth and fingers took over my texting ability and wrote zinger that I didn't know I had anymore. Im tired of being walked on and talked about the games are high school stints and of course I did it. I feel bad for it for this is not me but it felt so good to let it out. If the person dosen't want to talk then he can read them and read i'm sure he did.

There have been so many people tell me that I just wasn't the same as I was and Mike E. said what happened to you were did the fun posative person go and when does she plan on coming back. I never thought that so many people could tell a person by there emotions but I guess you can. I took a long hard look at it till 3 in the morning and went holy shit Sam would not let this happen over and over and you know what I didn't ha..... Sam is back :)

Again

Tell me please when will I smile and laugh again. I go through stages all the time . I cry and I'm pissed. I'm pissed then I cry. I just want to stop hurting and the roller coaster ride that so many people have shared with me. Thanks for the people who have supported me and sat with me in my time of being in a rut......

Feeling for that someone

Why is it when you feel something for someone then your world changes but only for the time that you feel. When you stop to think about it then it all changes again. When you think about it that's just what we do. Think to much! I have let go of so many things in such a short period of time that my head feels like spinning off. I miss the people that came and went so fast but made an impact on me and glad that they were there for me . I wouldn't have made it without them. For the last couple of weeks the numbness has settled in and reality has finally hit , letting goes has been the final option and as hard as it has been I know that it was the right choose that Mike made. I feel like through the whole thing I was just totally let out of the loop with alot and it stuff that keeps popping out of the wood work. Do I feel stupid UM Ya! but that's how it goes. I will learn from it and so not look at loving someone the same way for all the hurt and emotional roller coaster rides are just not worth it. I thought in my head I knew what I needed I guess I was wrong and now it's time to change my way of thinking. Who knows what that might be but I'm going were I've never been before and scared to death. There's not time like the present:)