The diary of a mad white woman

ok so what the hell. Men drive me crazy. You think that want one thing then its not what they really want. I either suck at relationships or just cant take them at face value. I sit here trying o figure out what i need to do to make a relationship be what it is suppose to be. I push thats what I do. Why im truly not sure just wish I didnt. Feeling sorry for my self doesnt seem to be the trick to the whole game. or is it just what happens when the insucrity hits you.. I need to feel secure in relationships then I love them. Do we all have them or is it just me??????

Time heals all wounds but I never get around to healing to know if that statement is true or not. Its not the thought of being alone its just wanting to be with someone and spending your time with the one. How do we know if the one is it?? I keep asking that alot. I always second guess myself just because its my nature. There are times that I just don't want to be here and go through the same shit for the curse that I have set myself up for time and time again. If ther is one thng that goes my way in life I would be a happy camper. Life has its challenges but Im getting pretty sick and tired of the course that this life had me on. Pitty is not what I want but answers to a screwed up world that I have created.

Have you ever wondered where your life is going and what is going to take place in it? I catch my self doing this alot. It's not that i wish its if my wishes come true. I focus on things that I should put aside and focus more on whats at hand. I have all these things that go through my head that I need to stop them and just live. Tyson is finally coming home to stay with me instead of staying with his dad and now I have to be the mom that he needs. School is just around the corner and the summer has gone so fast. I have been this person that has needed someone to make me feel instead of it being upon me to have it take place. My past relationships have prevented me from being the person that I am with everyone else that I come in contact with. Why is this? I find that the person that I am with now has shown me that being me is not a bad thing at all. The smart ass that I am the strong headed, out of control, sometimes unfocused and ya the low self esteem. Wow I think I would run!!!! This is all sounding like a big package to take on.

So ok my question is how in the hell do you tell someone that they make BIG mistakes and they need to get there shit together. All in a nice way? I've never been one to just come out and say what I need to say at the time that it needs to be said. I'm the type of person that there feelings mean more to me then flat out telling them the truth. No one wants to be hurt but I know that in general when you need to do it get it done. Life passes by so fast that we take the things that we know and stick with it. They say that it is easier to hurt the ones that you love then it is the other outside of the box. I guess because you know that or you think that they will always love you no matter what. I have said things to the one that I love to switch my anger to the other then dealing with the one that it is direct to. It's stop here and now. No one ever wins and I come out losing.